Beauty for Ashes

I remember being a teenager, sitting in church on a typical Sunday night. This particular evening our Pastor had brought in a Christian movie and of course we were all very hyped about it. Back then sermon time was officially note passing time along with whispering with your friends when your parents weren’t looking. However, this particular evening all notes and nonsense were put aside as I actually got drawn into the movie. These many years later, I still vividly remember being moved by the challenges presented in this film. I really couldn’t tell you much about the theme, name of the movie, or who the characters were. What I do remember however, is the theme song.

“I will serve Thee because I love Thee

You have given life to me

Your touch is what I long for

You have given life to me

Heartaches, broken pieces

Ruined lives are why you died on Calvary

Your touch is what I long for

You have given life to me.”

As in most Sunday night services, the movie ended and an invitation to respond was extended. This time it wasn’t a response to the message of a well thought out and prepared sermon, but rather, our response was to the challenges demonstrated through this story line. Also, like any typical Sunday night we teenagers took our place either at the altar or in the prayer room where it was not uncommon to feel the love and support of friends and faithful adults placing a reassuring arm on our shoulder or gathering us in a hug as we committed one more part of our hearts to Jesus.

I remember in that moment, feeling very much alone. Not the sense of loneliness that accompanies isolation, but rather, I stood alone directly in the presence of Jesus. There was really no one else in those moments. With the words of the song reverberating in my soul, I felt a sense of being lost in phrases that challenged me to the very depths of my being. The song was not just words, but became an overwhelming desire. I wanted to both know Him, be known by Him and in that knowing, long for Him.

There was another song I remember that night. I don’t know if it was associated with the movie, but I know that its words also struck me to my core.

“Something beautiful, something good

All my confusion He understood

All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife

But he made something beautiful of my life

If there ever were dreams

That were lofty and noble

They were my dreams at the start

And hope for life's best were the hopes

That I harbor down deep in my heart

But my dreams turned to ashes

And my castles all crumbled, my fortune turned to loss

So I wrapped it all in the rags of life

And laid it at the cross….”

This song seemed to segue from the prior song and I found myself lost in another challenge. Not only did I desire to serve him with all my heart, not only did I desire to know him and long for him, but when that challenge was accepted, this next one followed right on its heels.

It was somewhat confusing for a very young teen who at that point in her life had no idea whether my dreams would turn to ashes as my dreams were still very much in process. Neither did I have a sense of crumbling castles, or lost fortune as the only money I owned was in my pocket waiting for a trip to McDonald’s after service.

I did know one thing, I wanted that kind of beauty. I wanted a life that would be wrapped up and laid at the feet of Jesus. I wanted Him to make something entirely beautiful, not in the physical sense, but in the sense that my life would be enveloped, surrendered and reflective of this Jesus who I wanted to know with all of my being. I wanted beauty, His beauty.

Many years have come and gone since that unforgettable night. However, last night, while lying in bed, both of these songs came to mind and I actually started to sing them out loud. I was alone again. My husband was busy in another room. I couldn’t help but remember standing perhaps innocently and maybe even naïvely at the altar. However, what I do know, is that the longing and desires of our hearts and souls do not have an expiration date. What I also know, is that I had no idea as I stood in His presence how the words of both songs were yet to be lived out in my life.

Through the varying posts, podcasts, and books available for purchase on this site, I am inviting you to travel with me. Though no longer a young teen, my desires have remained the same. There has been loss, more than enough crumbling, and dreams yet to come to fruition, but what has remained is the longing, desire and call to beauty.

I can’t physically stand beside you however I can walk with you, and you with me. Together we will seek, long, and find our beauty at the foot of the Cross….

Will you join me…

Heather

xo